


there is no death (there is a wedding)

by virdant



Series: there is no death (there is a wedding) [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Ghost Marriage, Humor, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Good Person, except not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi gets married to the Mand'alor's ghost during his time in the Mandalore system.This is a little more complicated than it needs to be, given that Jango Fett is not dead.--“Well.” Obi-Wan was not apprenticed to one of the best negotiators in the Order for nothing. “There is no death, there is the Force,” he recited. “So, I didn’t marry Jango Fett’s ghost, I married the Force. And as Jedi, our commitment is to the Force…”
Relationships: Jango Fett/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: there is no death (there is a wedding) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875826
Comments: 279
Kudos: 2202
Collections: Fun/Humour/Crack in a Galaxy Far Far Away, Jedi Journals





	there is no death (there is a wedding)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to rose and alanna for reading the first draft and saying nice things to me 💖

* * *

In Obi-Wan’s defense, the mission briefing had been remarkably light on old marriage traditions, and the vambrace had been sitting in the middle of the road, just asking for somebody to trip over it and cause an accident. It really was a safety hazard, just lying there, and it was out of concern that Obi-Wan bent down and picked it up before Satine could stop him.

The group of Mandalorians that instantly surrounded him were, well, a surprise. But his instincts were well-honed after months of protecting Satine, and he was prepared for a fight.

He was not prepared for a wedding.

“Married?” Obi-Wan squeaked. He was unfortunately going through puberty. “What do you mean, I’m _married_ now? I’m a Jedi! I can’t get married.”

Unfortunately, being a Jedi apparently wasn’t a reasonable argument.

“You picked up the vambrace,” the Mandalorian said, still clad in full armor. Nobody was shooting at them, but that didn’t ease Obi-Wan’s anxieties as he (and Satine) were steered politely but firmly into what had been arrayed as a wedding hall. Obi-Wan was still holding the vambrace. “It means that our Mand’alor has chosen you.”

“I’m pretty sure that your Mand’alor doesn’t want to get married to a Jedi.” Obi-Wan attempted to hand the vambrace back to the Mandalorian. “Why don’t you ask him?”

Despite the helmet, Obi-Wan sensed the withering look directed at him. 

“Obi-Wan,” Satine hissed, “he’s _dead_.”

Obi-Wan blinked, once. “How am I getting married to him if he’s dead?” he hissed back.

“You’re getting married to his ghost,” The armored Mandalorian said, rather pleasantly. “Congratulations.”

* * *

Jango Fett had died in Galidraan years ago.

Apparently, his ghost was restless.

“The True Mandalorians have suffered misfortune since his death at Galidraan,” the Mandalorian said.

“Yes, the Jedi are really sorry about that,” Obi-Wan attempted.

“It is a sign that Jango Fett desires a spouse in the afterlife.”

Obi-Wan was being trained as a diplomat, so he very politely said, “I just don’t think I’m the right fit for the job,” instead of asking exactly how the Mandalorians had come to this conclusion. “Jedi aren’t permitted attachment,” he added, even though pointing out that he was a Jedi padawan, part of the organization that had inadvertently caused said misfortune, hadn’t been enough.

Apparently, he had picked up the vambrace, and that meant that Jango Fett’s ghost had picked him.

“It was in the middle of the road.” Obi-Wan protested. “I’ll put it back and you can grab the next person to pick it up.”

“That’s not acceptable.”

“Are you _sure_ about that?”

“The spouse will show themselves,” the Mandalorian said, first in Mando’a, and then in Basic when Obi-Wan had just stared bewilderedly at him and Satine had choked on the obviously ritualistic words. Apparently, this meant putting a piece of the ghost’s armor in the middle of the road and seeing who was the first to pick it up. It also meant that there were no take-backs.

“I was just worried somebody would trip on it,” Obi-Wan protested.

“Care for the people is a good trait in the Mand’alor’s _riduur_ ,” the Mandalorian replied, as calmly as they had replied to every single one of Obi-Wan’s futile protests.

Obi-Wan was a Jedi (padawan), and the Jedi were in control of their emotions, so he did not scream.

But since he was a Jedi padawan, and Jedi padawan were learners, he did bury his head in his hands and whimper.

* * *

“And that’s how the True Mandalorians agreed not to murder Satine,” Obi-Wan said, to the council when his year in the Mandalore system was over and he was back in the Jedi Temple, wearing what was apparently Jango Fett’s vambrace on his left arm and trying very hard to ignore Master Qui-Gon’s I-am-very-amused-and-not-even-trying-to-hide-it expression.

“You got married,” Master Windu said, again. He’d been repeating that sentence periodically throughout Obi-Wan’s report. 

“To a ghost,” Master Qui-Gon helpfully added, as he had done so every time Master Windu had repeated himself. Which was to say, it was not helpful at all, and every time he did so, Master Windu twitched. Obi-Wan _knew_ that Master Qui-Gon was deriving too much pleasure from it.

“Say for yourself, what have you?” Master Yoda asked.

Obi-Wan glanced at Master Qui-Gon, and then said, very slowly, “It was the will of the Force?”

“To get married,” Master Windu said, in the exact same tone he’d maintained throughout the entire briefing.

“Well.” Obi-Wan was not apprenticed to one of the best negotiators in the Order for nothing. “There is no death, there is the Force,” he recited. “So, I didn’t marry Jango Fett’s ghost, I married the Force. And as Jedi, our commitment is to the Force…”

Master Windu turned to Master Qui-Gon and said, very drily, “This is your influence, isn’t it?”

And Master Qui-Gon smiled, serenely, which was to say he was trying very hard not to laugh, and said, “Obi-Wan is a credit to his teachings.”

And that should have been it. Obi-Wan was given extra meditation for a month and assigned to creche duty—neither of which were terrible punishments for getting married to a ghost—the Council agreed that as far as it went, it was a diplomatic enough solution to protecting Satine; and Obi-Wan had a _beskar_ vambrace that he wore on missions but usually left in his room. Obi-Wan was married to a ghost, but that was hardly going to impact his life.

And then, decades later, a bounty hunter attempted to kill Senator Amidala and Obi-Wan absently pulled on the vambrace before heading to Kamino.

* * *

It turned out that Jango Fett was _not_ dead, despite what was previously claimed.

He also, it turned out, could recognize his vambrace, and what it meant when somebody not himself wore it.

Obi-Wan said, “You aren’t dead,” rather numbly.

“We’re married,” Jango replied, just as tonelessly, staring at the vambrace with an unreadable look.

Obi-Wan was dripping water onto the floor. His not-a-ghost spouse did not offer him a towel, which Obi-Wan thought was rather rude, for a first meeting. Boba—Jango’s son, and probably his, as well? Obi-Wan wasn’t sure of the logistics, given that he thought that Jango was a ghost and Jango apparently didn’t know he was married until now—was eying him suspiciously.

“Congratulations,” Obi-Wan offered, since he’d had years to get used to being married to Jango Fett.

“I’m married to a Jedi,” Jango said, in that same toneless voice.

“I tried to tell them that you wouldn’t be a fan,” Obi-Wan offered. “But apparently your ghost insisted.”

“My ghost.”

“I wasn’t sure how they were communicating to it. Something about misfortune that would only be averted if you had a spouse in the afterlife.”

“So they married my ghost to a Jedi. What matchmaker—”

“Oh, there wasn’t a matchmaker involved.” Obi-Wan tapped the vambrace. “I picked up your armor from where it was lying on the street.”

Jango stared. “Why would you do that?”

“I didn’t _know_ that would be accepting a marriage proposal. I was just worried somebody would trip on it.”

“Don’t you _look up_ cultural customs before you show up on a planet—”

“Ghost marriages weren’t part of my briefing!”

Jango sighed.

“We can get a divorce,” Obi-Wan offered, because he had agreed to be married to a ghost, not a living bounty hunter who was the genetic template to millions of clones, and he was pretty sure Jango did not want to be married to a Jedi. “I’m sure that now that you’re alive and can protest the marriage yourself, it can all get resolved.”

“Mandalorians don’t believe in divorce.”

“Ah.” Obi-Wan thought for a moment. He was nothing if not adaptable, especially after years of teaching Anakin. He nodded to Boba. “Hello, Boba. I’m Obi-Wan. I’m your father’s husband.” And, after a pause, said to Jango, “Exactly how many sons do I have now?”

* * *

And, as Obi-Wan finished his comm to the Council, Jango Fett furiously cooking in the background, he added, “Also, it turns out my spouse isn’t dead.”

Mace, in the same blank tone he’d used when Obi-Wan had returned from Mandalore married to a ghost, said, “Not. Dead.”

“No, Jango Fett apparently is here on Kamino, serving as the genetic template for the clone army that was commissioned for the Republic.”

Mace said, again. “Not dead.”

“He didn’t know he was married,” Obi-Wan offered. “But Mandalorians don’t believe in divorce, so we’re going to have to work it out.”

There was a very angry clatter from the kitchen area.

“Going on, what is?” Master Yoda asked, at the noise.

Obi-Wan looked over, and then, leaning in to make sure that Jango wouldn’t overhear, “He’s a little upset he missed the wedding feast, being remanded into slavery and all when we got married, so we’re having a small one now to make up for it.”

“Wedding feast.”

“Well, it’s more like a wedding meal. Anniversary meal?” Obi-Wan shrugged. “It seems easier to go with it.”

“Obi-Wan,” Mace began.

“Oh, and I have a son.” Obi-Wan added. “Millions of them, technically. But Jango and I are working out the custody details. He says he’s signed away his custody rights to the Republic, but as his spouse, I really should have had a say in all of it.”

Mace’s face contorted.

“So do you think one of the Temple lawyers could get in contact with me? I’d like to get this whole thing settled before I return to Coruscant.” 

Jango Fett stuck his head out of the kitchen, looking infuriated. “Are you done with your call? Food’s ready.”

Mace hung up.

* * *

In Obi-Wan’s defense, he had never wanted to get married in the first place, let along married to a ghost who wasn’t a ghost.

“What did you give my ghost?” Jango asked, after they had eaten and were sitting, side-by-side, in amiable silence.

“Pardon?”

Jango gestured at the vambrace. “You picked up my vambrace—”

“It was a traffic hazard—”

“You must have given something back.”

“Oh.” Obi-Wan sighed, recalling that brief ceremony. It really had been rather lovely, for all that he’d been coerced into it, and his perpetual anxiety that any wrong step would get Satine shot. “My tabards.” He’d burned them so Jango in the afterlife would have a piece of him. He’d finished the rest of the mission without tabards, since he’d packed spare tunics, but only the one set of tabards.

Jango thought for a moment. “Hand them over,” he finally said.

“What?”

He tapped the vambrace. “You have my armor. I should have yours.”

“I _burned_ them for your ghost!”

“I’m not a ghost anymore.” 

Obi-Wan sighed. “This is terribly undignified,” he complained, as he undid his belt and obi and pulled his tabards off to hand to Jango. They were still damp from the rain. “It’s informal.”

“You’re in your spouse’s quarters. You’re allowed to be informal.”

“Very true.” Obi-Wan belted his tunics back. “Are you going to wear that?”

Jango held Obi-Wan’s tabards in his hands. “We’re married, aren’t we?” 

“So we are.”

“Then yes.”

Obi-Wan had never wanted to get married. But he was nothing if not adaptable, and he was considered an excellent diplomat. So, he smiled, helped Jango arrange the tabards properly, and said, “Shall we consummate the marriage now, or after we settle custody of our children?”

Jango, wearing Obi-Wan’s tabards and looking absolutely infuriated that they were damp—which was really his own fault, for not offering a towel when Obi-Wan showed up—turned and stalked into what Obi-Wan assumed was the bedroom.

Obi-Wan thought about the situation for a moment, and then shrugged.

Bedroom negotiations it was.

**Author's Note:**

> me: i don't like ghosts  
> also me: it is a point of professional pride that i write a chinese ghost marriage into every fandom i participate in. [[x](https://twitter.com/virdant/status/1284364043600322560)]
> 
> \--
> 
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